Customs & traditions

In every country there are certain things that you should better refrain from doing, because they are not approved of by a large part of society. In Nepal, these are very much dependent on the geography and the ethnic group you are in. However, these do’s and don’ts are more flexible than they may seem at first glance and are in a state of flux, although some will need many more years before they are overcome. In Kathmandu Valley, where many cultures and ethnicities mix, there is a lot of tolerance for different lifestyles and clothing styles. This is often seen, and exploited, by tourists. Ethnicities in Nepal are often very parochial and your actions could offend someone, so it is important that you know about certain customs, manners and simple rules of etiquette. Nevertheless, these rules are often much more relaxed the further and higher up you go into the mountains, as Hindu behaviors are only partially shared with Buddhist and animist groups.

A simple rule is: if you are not sure whether your actions are appropriate or you can do something, do as the Nepalis do.

Common Courtesies
Many foreigners are considered an object of curiosity and you will often find people approaching you in the street, walking with you and wanting to talk to you. Nepalis will always try to make friends with you, exchange contact addresses, take a picture with you, try to get a promise from you that you will write to them or add you on Facebook. If you don’t want to do that, say it clearly in a polite way and most of them will leave you alone. Some, however, will rather try to take a picture of you in secret.

The greeting Namaste (“I greet the deity within you”) is one of the most attractive and quickly internalized customs. While saying it, hold your palms together as if in prayer and in front of your head, with a slight bow of the head. It is used more as a “how are you?” than a “hello.” If you want to express respect, use the more formal namaskar instead.

Nepalis often address each other in a very familiar way, so it is good to know what some of these terms mean: didi (“big sister”), bahini (“little sister”), daai (“big brother”), bhaai (“little brother”), buwa (“father”) and aamaa (“mother”). These can also differ a little depending on the region. To address someone more formally and with more respect, you can simply add the suffix -ji, as in “Namaste, Kamal-ji”.

Dhanyabaad is usually translated as “thank you,” but has a much greater meaning. The English “thank you” is understood almost everywhere.

Now it gets a little tricky: How do you properly express “yes” and “no”? To show your agreement, tilt your head slightly to one side and then back to the other. To signal “no” to someone, hold one of your hands palm forward, upward, and shake it slightly as if you were adjusting a bracelet. If you shake your head, as is you are used to, it can and is very easily misinterpreted as a “yes”. To point at something, you should use your chin or thumb, the index finger is considered very impolite.

Caste and Status
Although it was abolished in 1963, the caste system is still strongly embedded in people’s minds. Although professions are changing and “love marriages” are increasing, the caste still very often determines who someone will or must marry, where someone lives, and with whom they will associate. According to faith, tourists should be caste-free, but in remote areas of western Nepal, orthodox Hindus in high castes may consider them unclean. Depending on what region you are in, there are small variations in what rules the caste system has. In general, it is better received by society if you say you have a different religion than if you are an atheist.

Status (ijat) has a similar importance. When Nepalis meet for the first time, they ask each other their name, hometown, and profession, which helps them to assess each other‘s status and thus the respect they should bring to that person. Westerners are often given a high status and many people will think you are incredibly rich and may even treat you as if you have a high caste status, as long as it is not for important ritual or ceremonial acts.

Food
Many of the taboos where you can put your foot in your mouth are related to food. An underlying rule is that once you have touched something with your lips, it is considered contaminated (jutho) to everyone else. If you take a sip from someone else’s water bottle, you should try not to touch it with your mouth (the same goes for your own bottle, by the way). Do not eat from someone else’s plate and do not offer anyone a bite from a bun, cake, etc. that has already been bitten off. Do not touch cooked food unless you have bought it.

Many of these customs are currently changing, especially among the younger generation, but in more rural areas you should strictly adhere to them.

If you eat with your hands, use only your right hand, as the left is used for cleaning up after going to the toilet. However, you may use your left hand to hold drinks or bowls. It is considered good manners to receive and pass things with your right hand. To express respect, offer money, hand out food or gifts, both hands or the right hand can be used – with the left resting on the wrist or the inside of the elbow.

Clothing and the body
The majority of Nepalis are very conservative about clothing. The following advice applies mainly to temples and monasteries, but should also be followed outside of cities.

Men should always wear a shirt or T-shirt and long pants, if possible (shorts are also fine on busy hiking trails). Women should wear an appropriately long sari or skirt in villages. Pants are now also becoming more common and accepted. Shoulders as well as knees should always be covered. Women and tourists in Kathmandu and Pokhara wear short skirts or shorts, but this is a fairly recent development and risks being seen as sexually available. Showing too much skin will not only lower your status, but also attract many stares, possible harassment and attention. That being said, there are dress codes in all temples.

In general, a neat clean appearance shows and gains respect. Unkempt tourists are visibly treated with less courtesy and respect.

Showing bare chests is reserved exclusively for women with babies or small children. When Nepalese men bathe and wash outdoors, they always wear their underwear, women always wear a lungi (saron). If you find yourself in the same situation, you are expected to do the same. In Nepal, the forehead is considered the most sacred part of the body and you should get into the habit of never touching the head of Nepalis, neither young nor old. Feet, on the other hand, are considered the most impure part of the body and thus you should not place them on chairs or tables. If you are sitting, be careful not to point the soles of your feet at anyone. Also, it is considered bad manners to step over someone’s feet when they are sitting.

You will often see same-sex couples holding hands in the streets, especially men. However, this is not a sign of sexual partnership, but of friendship, and is only practiced among same-sex couples. Partners of different sexes should refrain from insinuations in public. At best, you may get unfriendly looks, but for some it can be very offensive if you cuddle, kiss or hold hands in public. Even handshaking, although now more common, is considered uncomfortable by some women. Stick to namaskar or namaste as a greeting.

You should be aware that men and women only sleep in the same room if they are either family or a married couple. If you are placed in the same room with a volunteer of the opposite sex, most people will assume that you are lovers. Married women are treated with respect, but sometimes it can be difficult to explain our partnership system in a way that Nepalis can understand. However, you should always show respect for the culture you are in and accept its customs and traditions.

Temples and houses
Non-believers (i.e. most tourists) are not allowed in the major Hindu temples or their innermost sacred spaces, as they may desecrate the halls. However, wherever you are allowed to enter, you should show respect, remove your shoes before entering, not take photos unless you have asked permission, and leave a few rupees in the donation box. You should not touch shrines and offerings, also leather (clothes, bags) is not allowed in temples.

Similar rules of conduct can be applied to Buddhist temples and monasteries. If you are allowed to attend an audience with a lama, it is customary to present him with a kata, a white scarf, which you can usually purchase nearby. When moving around Buddhist stupas or monuments, do so in a clockwise direction so that you are facing the sanctuary on your right and thus pure side.

If you are invited to a private home, you can bring fruit or sweets as a gift, but do not expect a big thank you, as gifts are usually accepted without much fanfare. Before entering a house, you should always take off your shoes but keep your socks on. When food is served, you will most likely be expected to be the first to help themselves. Women in some houses eat at the end, after everyone else has finished. Take less than you can eat, ladling is considered the best compliment. In most cases, the meal is served at the end of the gathering, after which everyone often goes home. In some homes it is also common for the food to be served by the woman of the family and placing it on the table and scooping it yourself is considered rude. Always follow the hosts and ask if you are not sure.

Sherpas and other highland ethnic groups consider their own fireplace sacred, so do not throw trash or garbage into it.

Crowds and harrassment
The crowd and stress in Nepal is becoming more and more similar to that of India. You will certainly face it at the airport, the bigger bus stations, in Thamel or the shopping streets in Pokhara. You will also find vendors or people in general trying to sell you things in the tourist spots in Kathmandu. Among the things offered are drugs, treks, all kinds of goods and increasingly sex. In most cases, however, they are more annoying than dangerous and ignoring them is the best strategy. If that doesn’t work, a clear but friendly “no” often helps. After that, most of them will leave a bit annoyed.

Especially tourist places are full of entrepreneurs and middle men who want to sell you rickshaws, tickets, guesthouses, trekking tours and other things. Since the actual suppliers often only receive a commission, the prices through such agencies are often many times more expensive. It is recommended to book directly, so you save a lot of money and also have a clear overview of what your money is used for and do not lose it to a middle man. However, as everywhere, a few rupees and a smile more can make many things easier and smoother.

You should also be aware that bargaining and haggling are an important part of the culture. You should never go with the first price suggested and always try to get a better one, just like the Nepalis do. Generally, you, as a tourist, will be asked to pay more from the very beginning. Knowing the prices and some words in Nepali can help you a lot and show the seller that you are not an easy victim and that you know the game. In addition, prices fluctuate with the time of day. Things cost more at night, as do cabs, and even with good negotiation you won’t get the same price as during the day. A good rule I have found is to divide the first price by three, multiply by 1.5 and start negotiating. You should also always have small bills with you, as many stalls, especially smaller ones, don’t / pretend to not have enough change. Sometimes it pays off to just leave the store, or pretend to, in order to reach your goal. You’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly. Bargaining is commonplace and more of a game that locals and tourists follow, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it. If you are on a bus or minivan, have small bills with you and find out the prices beforehand or just hand money to the person giving out the tickets and wait to see how much you get back. In all cases, it helps to observe Nepalis well in their actions.

Beggars
No matter where you go in Asia, or anywhere else in the world, you will be confronted with poverty and therefore beggars. Although the first impression will and can be very poignant, you will (unfortunately) come to terms with it quite quickly and get used to it. Nevertheless, begging children are always a dilemma that’s difficult to deal with.

Hindus and Buddhists have a long and honorable tradition of giving alms to lepers, physically handicapped, sadhus and monks. It is a part of their society and integrated into it. Unfortunately, there is no safety net in Nepal for those who cannot work or have no family to care for them. It is frighteningly easy for women to find themselves on the streets with no possessions, usually widowed or divorced. There are no unemployment benefits and so many end up begging or in prostitution.

In the mountains you may be asked for medicine by sickly people. However, unless you are qualified to write prescriptions, you should refrain from simply handing them out. You can donate unused surplus medicine at the end of your trip to the Kathmandu Bir Hospital, or the Himalayan Buddhist Meditation Center in Kathmandu for the benefit of these people.

Children
Outside the city or sometimes inside, children will wait for you and call out “Namaste” or “hello”, ask you questions and some will ask you for gifts, financial or otherwise. These children are almost in all cases not beggars or orphans, but normal school children who have seen too many tourists handing out small gifts. They would never ask a Nepali for money or gifts, so handle it like the Nepalis and say with a nice but emphatic tone Hoina holaa! (I don’t think so!), and most of them will run away a bit ashamed. Some, however, may follow you for hours, in which case humor or not giving attention is the best strategy. Some of them, however, really just want to talk, get to know you, try out their learned English, take a picture with you or play. If you have time, why not devote a few moments to them and answer their questions.

Street children, on the other hand, are a different issue. Watch your wallet and don’t give them money, unfortunately most of it ends up with someone else anyway. There are better and more effective ways to help these kids.